Sunday, May 3, 2009

My Teenage Heart

I am at that age when it’s getting easier for me to accept my quirks, my peculiarities, my idiosyncrasies. They are, of course, what gives me my individuality, what makes me “Me.” I used to wish that I could change somehow, but no more.

I know that, for instance, when I get a piece of bad news, news of some sort of crisis, or news that angers me, my immediate response is to panic and overreact. Everything else stops. My heart races, I start to breathe too quickly and too shallowly, and sometimes my ears even ring a little (okay maybe the ear ringing part is an exaggeration, but you get the idea). And it’s okay!! Because I know this about myself, and it only takes me a few seconds to realize that I’m, in fact, overreacting and start to calm myself down.

And I know that I get too attached to people, I put too much stock in people - people that I know fairly well and have a relationship with. Like people that I work with. I assume that I am as important to them as they are to me (that’s hard to admit/write). And then I’m horribly, painfully, sometimes irreversibly let down when that proves to not be true. And although knowing this about myself doesn’t make the disappointment any easier, I am at least aware of it.

But here’s something I’ve only figured out in the last half year or so, and I’m really not sure I should even confess it: I have a teenage heart. That is, when it comes to matters of the heart. My heart still thinks and beats and swoons and aches like a teenage girl. I turn up the radio when I hear David Archuleta singing “Crush.” I love some of the “teen” movies, like “She’s All That,” or “A Walk To Remember.” I loved the “Twilight” series by Stephenie Meyer. (I cried like a two year old who’s lost her blankie when Edward moved away in the beginning of book two.) And I’ve stared longingly at the “Bella and Edward Forever” t-shirts at WalMart, wanting so badly to buy one, but knowing that I’d only be able to wear it to bed, and my husband just wouldn’t understand.

Now, I don’t have crushes on any teen stars. I’m not dressing like a teen, or even wanting to really. I no longer buy sparkly lip gloss or glittery nail polish, and I’m even beginning to shy away from pearlescent eye shadows (mattes look so much better over wrinkles!). I don’t “like, you know, like” have to talk to my friends on the phone five times a day or text them all day from work. I read plenty of “grown up” books and watch plenty of “grown up” movies (yes, some are romances). So really – what’s the harm in crushing on a little teen romance from time to time?

I watch these movies at night after my husband goes to bed, or on Sundays when he goes fishing. And I will probably continue to do so. And maybe I can still get the “Bella and Edward” t-shirt. I’ll just turn it inside out and my husband will never know!


  1. Janet, I am having a hard time saying how much I love your blog AND you!!! By the way, I did feed the goldfish. too cute

    Love ya girlie,


  2. your t-shirt may one day come.....never fear the thoughts of your companion....your thoughts will make you happy before the thoughts of any other. jt

  3. Wow J.T.! Such profound words of wisdom! You must take after your mother! ;) xoxoxoxoxo

  4. I especially enjoyed this blog! You, I am sure could have guessed that. As silly as I felt when I finally decided to watch the movie, I found myself so intrigued I had to read through the books with only breaks for sleep and work, even eating came while reading! to the next book, I just might check out the host too. P.S. I LOVE THIS SITE.....Sarah

  5. Thanks Sarah! by the way, did you get a t-shirt yet? ;) maybe i can hook you up!

  6. No shirt yet, though I am most definetely on the hunt for a Edward Cullen bookmark, or one with all the Twi-Vamps. who knows, my last "dream" themed bookmark must have ran away, or else maybe my daughter found her way to it, that would make sense too. :)..Sarah


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